The Dying Belief
By Ian Stevens
I
lay here dying; bleeding on the floor.
My screaming echoes and
nothing more.
I hold in my hands my mother - dead
her face
full of horror and dread.
It should have been me but I let her
down
only because in cowardice I drowned.
I ,too, begin to
slowly fade away
I don't know really what to say
except,
"God forgive me, I'm so sorry!
Please just listen to my
story."
It all started that dismal day
and the first
thing I did was pray,
"Dear God, please help me and lead
the way,
prevent my soul from being led astray."
But
from there it only got worse
for it seemed my very soul was
cursed.
I went through school with a smile on my face
and
walked on home while marveling God's grace.
I thought to
myself, "Every thing's where it should be
my life is great
and my spirit feels free!"
but as I entered the front
door
I found my mom weeping on the floor.
She looked at me
and slowly said,
"It's your father, he's....he's....he's
dead!"
I just stared at her in disbelief,
but in her
eyes I saw true pain and grief
I could feel it; it wasn't a
lie.....
NO! How could my own father die?!
It
was true though, dad really wasn't there
and pain lingered for
years upon years
Mother drowned her sorrows in alcohol
since
she thought it was her and me against all.
My faith in Him
steadily disappeared
for how could God let such evil exist
here?!
It came to the point that I saw a blade
and in my
mind I had a choice to make.
It took a while but I finally
came to the decision
to create on my wrist a lethal incision.
As
I dragged the knife across, I began to feel numb;
maybe
the torture would end and peace then come,
but
I soon came to realize that I wasn't dead
for
I awoke in a white, hospital bed.
I
looked around and I could see
my
worried mom sitting and sleeping.
Then
I heard a deep, low voice
say,
“So I see you made your choice.”
and
I turned to the man sitting beside me
covered
in black with a face hard to see.
“You
don't believe in God do you?”
At
that I didn't know really what to do.
“You
had friends there to help you through the day,
but
instead you chose to drive them away.
You
had your mother still living here
yet
it seems that you don't care.
You
would take away your own life
and
blame Him for your daddy not being alive.”
as
he said this, I looked into his eyes:
they
seemed to have fire trapped inside.
He
continued on his debilitating scold
and
said,”You aren't even really old.
Do
you want happiness or to drown in sorrow?
Don't
you remember that there's always tomorrow?
If
it makes you feel any better
I
am your fathers real killer.
I
made that drunk driver who killed your daddy.
I
remember distinctly the car he drove, a white caddy.
I'm
sure you want to know who I am,
well
I'm the person who doesn't give a damn.
I
am, what some would call, Satan
and
I'll tell you right now I love this generation!
Why?
Well it's because now-a-days sin
is
the thing that always seems to win.
You
are living proof of this
and
it brings me happiness
that
since you don't value life
or
even believe in the afterlife
I'm
coming for you
and
there's nothing you can do!”
With
this I merely blinked
and
he was gone before I could even think.
I
sat there for hours wondering if it was a dream,
but
inside my head lingered his voice and screams.
I
was scared; terrified out of my wits
and
my conscience made me feel like shit.
Months
had passed from this incident
and
yet I still remember my 'accident'
but
over time I became closer to my mother
and I wouldn't ever trade her for another.
One
day, as I was shopping with her,
(I
hardly remembered the devil's encounter)
I
heard a loud, piercing scream,
just
like those from a previous dream.
A
man came into the store with a gun at hand
and
shouted out various commands.
Me
and my mom laid on the floor
as
we heard gunshots, screams and more.
I
saw feet covered in blood walk to where we laid
and
yet neither me nor my mother even prayed
for
I remember that I kept my word;
it
was me and mom versus the rest of the world.
'God
wasn't there to save us.' I
thought
and
he finally reached where he sought.
He
pulled my mother up by the hair
and
looked at me with an evil stare.
“Do
you believe in God?” said he,
and
I remembered what Satan said to me.
He
was coming after me
and
now I could finally see
that
this man was a child of sin,
a
soul corrupted and sordid within.
The
devil got what he wanted: to destroy me
as
the man said,”You better have finally seen
that
life is worth so much more,
yet
you tried throwing it out the door.
Watch
me as I kill your mother in front of you,
just
like I said there is nothing you can do.”
Before
I could try to do anything,
he
pulled the trigger and 'BANG!'
She
fell over lifeless with blood
flowing
down her ears onto the coat hood.
After
that, he shot me
and
left without making a scene.
Right
before he left as if nothing happened,
like
he does this horrid thing often,
he
looked back at me and said,
“You
got your wish of being dead.”
The
last words I heard were “See you in hell.”
with
blood pooling in my lungs, it was hard to yell.
but
I was able to scream out once
which
was my last chance,
yet
I lay here dying; bleeding on the floor.
My screaming echoes and
nothing more.
I
held in my hands my mother - dead
her face full of horror and
dread.
It should have been me but I let her down
only
because in cowardice I drowned.
I, too, finally fade away
and
now I know what to say:
“I
know it's too late to save me
but
God I'm sorry, I do believe.”